Preference or prejudice??
I knew of a youtuber called Riyadh who is a 20 something Iraqui-Irish gay guy. I even watched a few v-blogs from his youtube channel.
I found out last month that he was teaming up with BBC to create a documentary dissecting the current gay cultures in UK.
First four episodes have already taken on some of the controversial issues within the gay community right now with which I agree that they are very real.
I lost it while watching the third episode and fourth episode just gutted me hard.
What and where is this fine line between preference and prejudice?
Prejudices exist in the gay community in Canada as well. Yes, it's everywhere.
In the episode, Manjinder says "(these so-called preferences) made him feel really really unwanted and just like worthless. Just made him feel like he was't good enough at all..."
I really get that, a 100%
It is difficult to accept when someone, who is supposed to be of your kind and on your side, rejects you for who you are.
Such an irony innit.
You have now been rejected for being gay by the community at large but also rejected for being a different race other than White by your own gay community...
Many a time was I ignored to be served at local gay bars.
Many a time was I ignored to be acknowledged to be served at local gay bars.
Many a time did I see an online profile saying "No Asians".
Each time, it certainly made me feel that I was unwanted, that I wasn't good enough, and that my life was pointless.
And the same experiences happened over and over again as the unwanted, not-good-enough, and pointless life feelings kept accumulating on top of each other...
It doesn't matter, I guess, that I am happily married now because I still feel that way sometimes.
The hurt, that pains, that feeling of lost and emptiness, they would stay with you for a long long time...Something or someone will trigger those feelings and bring you back to that dark place.
How can we change these negative dynamics within our community?
More dialogues?
More media exposures?
How?
Riyadh seems to think so, doesn't he. Whereas I think ...
花菖蒲
庭のチューリプが散っちゃって悲しいなぁなんて思っていたら、花菖蒲がキレイに咲き始めました。
この花の名前が全然わからなくって、お友達のお母様が教えてくれました。
英語では、Irisっていうんですが…確か、これはDwarf Irisだった気がします。
日本語でなんて呼ぶのか検索している中で、アヤメとショウブとカキツバタとの違いって出て来たんですよぉ〜
良く見ても同じに見えて仕方ない！
試しに見てください！
これと
これと
これと
どうです？
違い分かりますか？
アテクシも見た限りはお友達のお母様に賛成。花菖蒲だと思います！
花にも色んな種類あるんですよね。
もっと勉強しなきゃ。自分の庭にどんな花があるかも知らんのはねぇ…爆笑
こんなところに日本人 〜中島ひろ子さんラオスへ〜
再来年は…(ちょっと訂正しました)
再来年は日本を出て30年を迎える年になります。
早いなぁ〜と思う反面、もうあの当時の思い出がうっすらしか残っていないのをみるとやっぱり随分と時間が経ったんだなと思い直したりもします。
色んな夢を抱いて日本を経ちました。
例えば、ゲイとして生きる事だったり、日本の国籍を捨てる事だったり。
ゲイとして生きる事ってのは別の機会にでも。
日本の国籍を捨てたいと思ったのは、幼児期から、日本で生まれて日本人の様に生きているけど、出るところに出ると日本人としては認められないだとか、何か起こると一番最初に疑われるのは純粋な日本人でない自分に指が差されるから気を付けろだとか。国家公務員にはなれないから、ビジネスをしろだとか。住んでいたところが部落と呼ばれる地域で、そのせいか幼児期からのいじめも受け、小学校の先生はウチの親にこの子の責任は取れませんと言う始末。世の中の偏見や、そんな偏見を持った大人から受けた教育のせいで、不必要に自分が抱えてしまったストレスで、物心がついた時には日本と言う国を嫌悪する様になっていました。
それに加えて性癖まで…
正直地獄でしたね。生きるのが。自殺未遂３回。
死なせて貰えなかった。万全な準備をしたつもりでも、何故かいつもいないはずの人が自分を見つける事に。
小さい時から日本語以外の言葉を耳にしていたおかげだと思います。外国語だけは飛び抜けて他よりも出来ました。
３回目の自殺未遂の後でした。真剣に日本を脱出する事を考え始めたのは。
裕福では無かったので塾には通うことも出来ませんでしたが、運よく学校の授業だけで英検も通りTOEFLも30年前ですが高校2年の時に800を超えていました。
中々親はうんと言って来れなかった留学。
知っていたと思います。自分がもう２度と戻って来ないって。
親も必死で猛反対でしたよ。
でも、高３の夏だったと思います。髄膜炎で緊急入院する事になったんです。親は医者から5分遅れていたら助ける事は出来なかったと言われたそうです。その頃から、親も真剣に留学の話を聞いてくれたのは。毎週末、アメリカンセンターに通ってカレッジ辞典を1ページ、1ページ見ながら探しました。何とか見つけた短期大学。うちの家計でも何とか行ける金額でした。国立大学より安かったんです、笑。20歳になるまで親も金銭的なサポートをしてくれる約束で。その代わり、その後は自力でって条件も付いていました。
あれから、30年が経とうとしています。
色んな事ありました。
そしてこんな事
auntie-k.hatenadiary.com
こんな事もしました。
auntie-k.hatenadiary.com
これからも色んな経験をして行くと思います。
単に歳を取ったばばあにならない様に、今の自分が一番好きと言える様にこれからも精進しないとですね。
So what if we were drunk lmfao
Yep the weekend has started and we have already emptied 2 bottles of wine. We're onto Porto!!
So sweet but soooooooo goood!!!!
The music is blasting. We're all laughing and dancing.
Life is beautiful innit!!
ヘビーロテーション
つい最近起こったマンチェスターでの爆発事件。
また最近この曲が自分の中でヘビーロテーションしています。
Riccardo Polidoroって歌手がカバーしているんですが、個人的にはこちらのバージョンの方が素敵で好きです。
Celine Dion - Encore Un Soir (Cover by Riccardo Polidoro)
容姿も可愛いしね☆
歌詞は仏語なので日本語へは上手く訳せないけどラフな英語で訳すと…
A photo, a date
It's hard to believe it
But it was only yesterday, my memory would lie to me
and those faces of children, and mine in the mirror
Oh, I'm not complaining, don't worry about that
Life has spoiled me, and I am having a hard time turning it off
Oh my god, I've had my share
And even more, in so many ways
But when we live too beautifully, too strongly,
We forget that time passes by
Just like we lose a bit of our bearings
In too vast open spaces
We barely have time to get used to it, then we have to step aside
Oh if I only could
One more night, one more hour,
One more tear of joy
A favour, just like a flower
A breath, a mistake
A bit of us, almost nothing at all
To say it all once again, or to stay silent
With our eyes, just one report
Barely once more, even though it's late
I never asked for anything, it's not so much to ask
C'mon, compared to eternity, it won't even show
it'll stay between us, oh, just a slight delay
So many people are just killing time
So much that they end up losing or using it up
So many people lie to themselves, making up dreams
And moments of grace
Oh, I would give my place in Heaven
If I could be forgotten here on Earth,
Once more yesterday
One more night, one more hour,
One more tear of joy
A favour, just like a flower
A breath, a mistake
A bit of us, almost nothing at all
To say it all once again, or to stay silent
With our eyes, just one report
Barely once more, I know it's late
It's not much, nothing more than a break
May time and the clock rest a bit
And caress
Just a kiss
Just a kiss
One more night, one more hour,
A bit of us, not much at all
One night
One more night
One more hour
A bit of us
Almost nothing at all
One night
仏語の歌詞はこちら
Bex gives it straight to Robert
Emmerdale - Rebecca Hits Robert Where It Hurts
It will be an explosive episode tonight.
Robert came to Bex with his tail between his legs and asked her to help him stop Ross from blackmailing him.
As she sees Robert in the most vulnerable state she's ever seen, she agrees to talk to Ross and stop him from blackmailing Robert further...
I'm still troubled how Robert tried to get Bex to do what he wanted by seducing her, which was shown in the previous scene. I guess that was why she lashed out like this and gave it straight to Robert. And it was sort of her last advice to Robert. Sort of parting gift from her. She really loved him.
From the spoilers, we all know that Robert tells everything to Aaron in the end (tonight's double episodes). That is a relief. It would have been a massive blow to Aaron, not that Robert's cheating wasn't massive enough, had Chrissie or Ross told Aaron of the unfortunate incident.
I'm still wondering what will happen to the baby... Bex decided to keep it but goes to hospital next week? She also bought one-way ticket to Ibiza... Emily who plays Bex will be leaving the show, too...
I really don't want the baby in the picture. I would love Robron to have a baby but not like this. How can a person raise a child who was born as the result of your spouse's cheating...?? Can you?? I don't think I can...
I guess we just have to wait and see how it unfolds...
This is what happened so far...
Emmerdale - Robert Confesses to Sleeping With Rebecca
Emmerdale - Can Aaron Forgive Robert Yet Again?
Emmerdale - Robert is Forgiven
I can't wait to watch the whole episodes this weekend!!
